Do Mine Eyes Deceive Me?
by lizbennett
Summary: Harry is having a bad dream...but he gets up and discovers a nightmarish vision that's even worse!


Do Mine Eyes Deceive Me?

Harry's eyes flew open as he awoke from yet another disturbing dream involving his parents, Cedric and Voldemort. He took several deep breaths, trying to relax himself from the horrifying visions that never failed to leave his mind at night. He wished with all his heart that he could obliviate certain memories involving deaths inflicted by the Dark Lord so he wouldn't be tortured to continuously relive them in graphic detail.

Shaking his head in an attempt to clear it of said thoughts, Harry decided to get out of bed and walk around the house for a bit to calm himself. As he placed on his glasses, he carefully crept out of his bed and walked towards the door, hoping that his Uncle Vernon wouldn't be pretending to snore like he did the last time Harry had left his room. It had happened last week in fact; Harry had gone to the kitchen with his wand lighted (so he wouldn't trip over the stairs) in an attempt to get a glass of water, only to be startled by his uncle's repulsive presence, which boomed at him to get rid of "that magic stick" and go back to bed before he got his bum kicked out of the house.

Harry had contemplated retaliation by threatening to shove the "magic stick" up his uncle's bum, but decided against it, realizing his uncle was already threatened by his being a wizard who was battling a force that was more evil than Vernon was a bellowing oaf. So instead, he ran back upstairs, confused as to how his uncle could snore like an elephant blew its trunk one minute, and scream threats at him the next.

All Harry wanted to do this night was visit the loo and calm his shaken nerves. He didn't even take his wand; knowing that his uncle was evidently a light sleeper and could somehow awake to light peering through the door cracks. But as he entered the hallway, he discovered that not having a light of any kind in sheer darkness was a bad idea. He could not see where he was going, and as he was still somewhat hazy from sleep, he mistook the hallway for the boy's dormitory in Gryffindor tower, and turned left to where the bathroom would have been. But as he pushed the slightly opened door further, he realized that he had not entered the bathroom at all.

He had mistakenly made the wrong turn and had entered his aunt and uncle's bedroom instead! And, much to his chagrin, he could hear moans and groans and the sound of the bedsprings shaking back and forth! Worse, he started to hear voices crying out for completion!

"Ohhh…Vernon! Harder!" Harry's Aunt Petunia started whimpering in her shrill voice.

"Dammit, Petunia, why can't I ever be on top?" his Uncle Vernon cried hoarsely, sounding like a walrus that had just relieved itself.

Harry's jaw started twitching in shock, and he automatically closed the door shut. Oh Merlin, why had he gotten out of his warm bed to hear something that was worse than any nightmare ever concocted in his subconscious?

Trying to block the aforementioned scene from his mind, Harry walked away towards what he thought to be his bedroom. But yet again, he was mistaken in where he was headed. Instead, he had come upon the bathroom. And it was already occupied.

When Harry pushed open the not-fully shut door, he came face to face with Dudley, who was nude and furiously attempting to wank himself while looking at magazines of nude women. As Harry's eyes darted between the racy magazines and the prick Dudley was rapidly pressing his hands against, he was amused to find his cousin, for all his previous flab and current muscle, was not very well endowed. Biting back a smirk, he left the bathroom and Dudley, whose eyes were closed, so intent was he on bringing himself to a completion like that of his parents.

Harry finally made it back to his room, and shut the door fully. Although both of the images tonight had probably disturbed him far more than the nightmares he had been having, he was surprised to find that they were relieving as well; he had managed to find in a muggle home scenarios that were far worse than confronting Voldemort. Also, he smirked yet again as he thought of the second reason for his relief, he had finally found something he possessed (other than magic) that Dudley did not.

It was more than a bit heartening to find that Vernon Dudley did not possess a gene trait for being well endowed, and James Potter did.


End file.
